10 Ways to Celebrate Your Deceased Mother on Mother’s Day or Her Birthday

Mother’s Day is traditionally the second Sunday in May and time was upon us last weekend to celebrate. My mother passed away almost five years now. I don’t cry and wail anymore on her birthday, Christmas or Mother’s Day. The feelings of grief are better, almost so much better that I almost forgot to honor her on Mother’s Day. I did post a tribute on Facebook a couple of days early and thought of her a lot as I began to mull over the coming day, but it made me think about how we get busy and honestly, just forget about things at times. I’m not going to beat myself up. I was wrapped up hosting our family get-together, which in reality my mother would be thrilled about. But I will just re-group and put little things in place to ensure I do not ever forget my mother on her birthday and Mother’s Day.

1) Create a video frame or collage of 10-12 special photos of your mother to run on Mother’s Day or run as a screensaver show on your computer. After my parents’ deaths, we scanned in all their photos from the 1930′s onward using a service called HeritageMakers. It’s fun as well as gently sentimental to occasionally go back on the computer, view the photos and smile at all the good times we had.

2) Post an album tribute to your mother on Facebook and share with others how special your mother was.

3) Create a short movie documentary about her life in Windows Moviemaker or similar video tools using the text box and graphics tools to add the content and story line. Add her favorite music to complement the movie. Post privately to Youtube, or put on flash drives and share with your family.

4) Create an arrangement of your mother’s favorite flower(s). My mother’s favorite flower was the peony. The first time I ordered peonies from Martha Stewart online in the 90s for Mom’s Mother’s Day, the blooms were tight balls and had not opened yet. She thought they were dead! Some warm water quickly remedied that.

5)   Keep a little stash of your mom’s favorite fragrance(s) for that time when you just need a little “mom” moment. Whenever I smell Estee Lauder’s Beautiful, White Linen, or lavender buds, I immediately have a silent moment with my mother.

6) Create a tradition and make one of her favorite recipes or your favorite recipe she made you as a child.

7) Wear a piece of her jewelry or repurpose a piece of her jewelry into something more contemporary if your style is different than your mother’s.

8) Place something special she created in an area of your home for your personal viewing. During her cancer treatment, my mother was still making lavender sachets. I keep one on my dresser to remind myself that in times of adversity, you can still make beautiful things for others. 

9) If you have an audio or video recording, schedule some time to watch or listen to her recorded voice or video.

10) Schedule 10 minutes to journal and write down things your mother used to tell you, things you have in common, a list of her favorite foods, jewelry, shoes, hobbies, clothes, different hairstyles she may have worn, fun facts you may not have known about her that other people told you, vacations you celebrated together, her favorite restaurants, friends, places she lived in, how she met your dad, etc. Try not to make the writing a chore but a reflective time to jot some memories. Every year, review your old list and create a new list of things to remember her by. Need help? Buy a memory book from Amazon and start filling in the pages of loving memories!

 

The Non-Passion Commencement Speech

Passion. Do what you love. Find your strengths. Love what you do. We’ve heard or read it all and drank the kool-aid. Koolaid Passion

On National Public Radio this morning a recent college graduate, Max Kornbith, questioned this common mantra shared at college commencement speeches of finding, following and living your passion. Stumped by his lack of passion, Max requested assistance from economist, Tyler Cowen.  Cowen and a small group of economists asked Max a variety of questions but in the end, did not advise Max on a career.

The reality is we grow and change. Industries grow and change. We may grow into leaders or experts in our field. We may morph into other careers and professions of our own choice or respond to external business and industry factors.  What we don’t want to do is become extinct because we are not evolving or adaptable, even if we are living our passion.

I’ve certainly had this “passion” conversation with both sons as well as used this concept in my career and in my career coaching. Yet, there is a reality to a job and work life.

I’m not a mom but I am a step mom and grateful that I can be helpful in my stepsons’ lives. We are a bit guilty of being hover-parents but we are fortunate both boys are doing what they love albeit 800 or more miles from home. Both took a risk and I am incredibly proud of their courage.

Regardless of where your young adult is heading, there are always things you wish you had told them. You may wish you had that special last moment like parents in the past sending young adults off across the prairie to the Oregon territory, transitioning them to college, moving to a big city, immigrating to the US, going into the military or just heading off on their own for a global adventure. I think we all want our kids to be accountable, successful and independent. We want to see them get along with others, do well in their jobs, truly enjoy their work, and have a long, employment life.

If I were to give a commencement speech it would include these 14 points I wish I had a chance to tell the boys. I probably won’t get any accolades because it doesn’t include the magic word of passion, but the best things we can send our children off is a dose of reality sheltered by hope and encouragement.

If I could “do-over” our last special moment it would include:

  1. I’m sorry. I wish it was different but life isn’t perfect. But, life is good.
  2. Dissatisfaction can be a motivator.
  3. We encouraged you to dream. Continue to dream big.  Dream jobs do come along but they may not be your first job. That’s OK.
  4. For the most part, bosses are doing the best they can. They aren’t perfect. Figure out a way to get along.
  5. Work helps you decide what you enjoy and don’t enjoy doing. Give everything a try.
  6. Organizations are trying hard to create better work environments for their employees. But you are still ultimately responsible for finding the joy in your work.
  7. Making connections and building relationships will help you just as much if not more than education in helping your career.
  8. You have strengths but use them properly. Identify and manage the “dark side” of strengths. Your strength could be critical thinking but don’t become a critic no one wants to be around.
  9. Everyone has barriers or constraints that can prevent them from success. Try to find a way to grow outside of your comfort zone.
  10. Be kind even when you don’t feel like it.
  11. Remember people when you make decisions. Try to see things from the other side.
  12. Balance logic with empathy.
  13. The less than perfect job can build important skills and characteristics like patience, flexibility, adaptability, and cool stuff like idea generation and creativity.
  14. Difficulties and disappointments can make you bitter or better. Choose the latter.

 

Can I Wash or Launder a Daniel Cremieux Dress Shirt?

Just for fun I thought I would try to answer a few google search queries readers used to reach my blog and website. Today’s unusual search query is “Can I Wash or Launder a Daniel Cremieux Dress Shirt?”

I picked this one because I love Daniel Cremieux men’s shirts. Several years ago I went through a “Daniel” phase and bought my husband several DC shirts at Dillard’s (on sale of course!) They were gorgeous and basically, sexy, in my opinion.

As with everything, beauty and sexy are in the eye of the beholder. Hubby didn’t particular care for them but I loved these shirts. Per the instructions, they were all washable and only required tumble drying. Some of the 100% cotton shirts required starch but ironing is a type of therapy for me. I did not have a problem but read the label!

A friend of swears by Zote’s pink soap for dry cleaning fabrics such as silk. I am going to try it and will report back but the reviews on Amazon are pretty great too!

I have a love/hate relationship with the dryer. Dryers have function but the heat does tend to shrink some fabric and fabric finishes do wane after a while. I routinely hang up some items to air dry if I think there is a chance the clothes will shrink, fade or de-finish in th dryer. Some may disagree with me but I do find this helpful in extending the life of our clothes.

Happy Laundering!

 

 

Nine Steps for Multi-tasking at Home

As domestic administrators and home managers, we are all looking for ways to get things done quicker yet done well. Managing multiple tasks during one block of time can help us better use our time. Although we may think we are doing two things simultaneously, research indicates we are actually switching from one task to another very quickly. My added personal take is that an person cannot really multi-task but can use technology and machinery to do some tasks so the person can do tasks that only a human can do – like mince garlic and walk the dog. Although you are boiling water and cooking in a skillet, the stove is really doing most of the work for you.

I do think managing multiple tasks and using technology when possible improves efficiency and time utilization. For example, I love my iRobot Roomba. We have one dog and two indoor cats and I cannot keep up with the pet hair with basic sweeping. Pet hair flies around in the air when sweeping and the hair can craftily fly under closet doors creating clouds of gray fur in the back of the closet. I can sweep three times a day and not get all the hair. With a little technology, I can sweep, water the yard, wash clothes and complete all sorts of smaller tasks as long as I have a list and a couple of timers.

It helps to create a task structure to keep you on track such as timers, alarms, etc. Not all tasks are equal and lend themselves to the same allotted time slot. Below are my process steps:

1) Know how much time it takes to do a task. Don’t estimate. I have found that an estimate can be off by quite a bit as we tend to use language that doesn’t actually match real measures (a few minutes, down the block, five minutes away), we underestimate or round off estimates. If you don’t know, take time to measure. I think you will be surprised.

2) List your tasks and the time involved for each. Include your necessary resources, such as hot water, or prep time such as preheating the oven.

3) Identify which tasks are time or detail-sensitive such as baking a cake when the last few minutes are extremely important in testing doneness.

4) Identify the tasks that have built-in alarms – example, a dryer with alarms (but is it loud enough?) or microwave.

5) Identify tasks that need separate alarms or timers. For example, an egg timer for watering the yard and timing the Roomba per room, etc.

6) Location, location, location. Is the task indoor or outdoor? What is the walking distance? Identify the proximity of the tasks and decide if distances will impact efficiency. Distance in a 1380 sq ft house doesn’t generally impact my combined tasks unless it is walking the dog down the street and then walking the dog may fit into the correct task grouping. But a 4800 sq ft might need more thought.

7) Create a timeline or schedule for your task list that includes the start and end time.

8) Start your tasks, set your timers, and let the fun begin.

9) Finish and debrief. What worked or didn’t work? Were your time allocations correct? What would you different?

I’d rather water the lawn, wash clothes, dust, clean bathrooms and be done in three hours to save precious time for more detailed chores, (cleaning silver!) home management tasks, (monthly financials!) and activities that demand analysis, detail-orientation, extra muscle power or skill. Like blogging!

Happy tasking!

Your Seven Day Supply of Super 7 Sweet Kale Mix Recipes

To make it easier on readers, here are your seven days of Super 7 Sweet Kale Mix Recipes including a soup, three stirfrys and the original salad. Enjoy!

Thai Style Chicken Sweet Kale Stir Fry http://wp.me/p2HjBt-rU

Spicy Chicken and Sweet Kale Stir Fry http://wp.me/p2HjBt-p2

Sweet Kale Super 7 Salad and Red Kidney Bean Soup http://wp.me/p2HjBt-oJ

Sweet Kale Super 7 Salad with Nasturtiums and Lemongrass Mint Vinaigrette http://wp.me/p2HjBt-oh

Lentil, Scallops and Sweet Kale Super 7 Salad http://wp.me/p2HjBt-o9

Sweet Kale Super 7 Salad Shrimp Soybean Stir Fry http://wp.me/p2HjBt-k3

Costco Eat Smart Super 7 Food Salad – as it is! http://wp.me/p2HjBt-jd

Thai Style Chicken and Super 7 Sweet Kale Stir Fry

One more time with feeling. I LOVE this salad mix!! Happy-Grin

Eatsmart was brilliant to create this yummy-licious, healthy mix!! With this recipe, I am sharing a seven-day supply of Super 7 Sweet Kale Mix Recipes. Feeling healthy again already just typing!

 

2 tbl olive oil

1 tsp dried red pepper flakes

1 tbl minced garlic

1 tsp grated fresh ginger root

1 boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into chunks and seasoned with salt and pepper

1 tbl soy sauce, reduced sodium

1/2 tbl lemon juice

2 tbl white wine

1/2 bag of Super 7 Sweet Kale Mix

2 tbl chopped fresh thai basil (you can use sweet basil but there is a taste difference)

2 tbl chopped green onions

2 tbl chopped, roasted cashews

Wonton strips

Heat the olive oil in a skillet over med high heat. Add the ginger and saute for a few minutes. Add the garlic and saute for 30 seconds. Do not allow to burn. Add the chicken chunks and brown. I do this in batches so the chicken does not reduce the heat in the skillet and steam rather than brown. Remove chicken.

Combine soy sauce, lemon juice and white wine in a small bowl.

Add the greens to the hot skillet and allow to wilt. Stir fry as needed. Add soy sauce mixture and allow to wilt. I like mine a little crunchy so I stir fry for less than five minutes.

Add the chicken and basil and stirfry a few more minutes.

Divide into two bowls. Garnish with chopped onions and cashews. Garnish with wonton strips if you desire.

Serves 2.

Ten Questions to Help Avoid Impulse Buying

My husband and I love thrifting. We love exploring garage sales and perusing thrift shops for items that do not need to be new or under warranty. In my previous blog, Six Questions to Jumpstart a Thrifty Lifestyle, I shared some questions to explore potential drivers for happiness and purchasing habits.

Being frugal does not mean sacrificing and not enjoying life pleasures. Happy-Grin  It’s not about self-denial but being judicious – buying and enjoying those things that will truly enhance your life and lifestyle. It’s also about balancing needs and wants.

Impulse buying can have a huge impact on the home budget. And for a thrifter, impulse buying can be potentially financially dangerous. If not careful, it’s possible to wind up with 10 backgammon sets, five tubes of hand lotion and two espresso machines.

I’m not  a neuroscientist but I do know a good decision making process helps you get past the initial emotional neurological response of excitement by consciously activating the prefrontal cortex with some logical “through-put.” It’s the same 10 second wait time you need to diffuse the fight or flight iresponse. By the time you consciously answer your purchasing priority questions, the “excitement” part of your brain will steady out and you can truly make a better decision.

To move past a potential impulse buy, ask yourself the following:

  1. How much does it cost and Is it a good deal?
  2. How do you know the item is a good deal? Can you verify by comparing equal or similar products?
  3. Do you need the item or just want the item?
  4. Is the item a “must have,” “helps to have” or “nice to have?”
  5. Do you have items of equal or similar value or purpose already?
  6. What is the item’s purpose? How will it enhance your life? Is it a collectible? Is it functional? Does it have aesthetic appeal? Is it an upgrade or replacement?
  7. If you don’t need the item what are other options do you have such as gifting or reselling?
  8. Is it an item that can wait as a gift for yourself or from someone else?
  9. One year down the road, how do you think you will feel if you don’t buy the item?
  10. Do you have the money to buy the item?

Notice I did not jump immediately to asking if you have the money. Having the money is not the only issue. Spending wisely is.

 

Six Questions to Jumpstart Your Frugal Lifestyle

Most of us love saving money. If not, there would never be discounts, BOGOs, or coupons. Don’t get me wrong. I love a good sale. I love thrifting, being frugal and a good steward. I’ve lived on $2.76/hour (yes, I am sharing my age) and somehow figured out how to make it work. Of course, we didn’t have cell phones and internet but we did have cars that gave us a whopping 8 mpg. I did have checking account overdrafts at times, spent more than I made, and treated myself with gifts a little too often. But I have learned and am continuing to learn how to maintain a thrifty, frugal lifestyle while being bombarded with some of my favorite marketing ploys through Groupon, weekly online Ulta ads and even my CVS pharmacy super decoder card discounts. I’m glad the discounts are there when I need them but I have to create restraint and self-control so as not to impulse buy and have more than I need.

I had the pleasure last weekend to be a guest speaker at the University of Houston’s Bauer School of Business Second Annual Financial Symposium. The symposium was designed to promote financial literacy and help students gain understanding of the economic impact of student loans, consequences of extra semesters, and career preparation for the job market.

Accumulating wealth, managing money and personal finances involves multiple facets above and beyond income, expenses, savings and investments. Financial literacy also include understanding your own buying habits, emotions about money, personal habits, your beliefs, fears, goals and logical “through-put.”

For some, choosing a thrifty or frugal lifestyle is one of these facets. Below are a few thought questions to get you started.

  1. How do you define happiness?
  2. If you were to draw your picture of happiness, how does money impact or support your picture?
  3. What will make you happy long term? Financial security? Relationships? Things?
  4. What are your general drivers to be frugal or to save money? Example, save money for a particular item? Do you enjoy the thrill of the sale? Creating a lifestyle change? Want more money to buy more? Save for the future?
  5. What mechanism do you have for identifying purchases or home management expenses as “must haves”, ”helps to have” and “nice to haves?”
  6. How is what you are doing today moving you towards your happiness?

 

Tips for Managing Personal Medical Information

In my last blog, I shared some tips and a high level calendar of events for managing a Health Savings Account that has worked for me. There are super internet resources to help consumers understand HSA’s and high deductible plans. But sometimes it can be helpful to hear words of advice or experience from a peer consumer. Here are some additional tips to help you in your quest of saving time and money and adding precious “space” to your life.


Need help with managing a loved one’s or your home management information management?

Click HERE to get started!